Post by mikegpextreme on Jun 29, 2012 17:14:58 GMT 10
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you
believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says
Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says
how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is
building up!
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend....yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I
thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to
our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can
get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I
could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked . The driver
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to
myself 'That guy's heading for a breakdown.'
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor'
I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says
Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says
how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is
building up!
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend....yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I
thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to
our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can
get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I
could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked . The driver
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to
myself 'That guy's heading for a breakdown.'
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor'
I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'